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Weazel News First Official Hostage Standoff!

You heard it here first, folks!

A local gunman named Mr Mercer recently kidnapped and involved our very own Chief of Police in his very own double hostage situation. As this own reporter sat on his ass and browsed twitter.

A call to action or a tweet leading to doom?

This reporter could not pass up the chance to chase down a lead at his very own place of employment!

As Weazel News’ own Don Sterling entered the building, I shouted out for my favourite receptionist, Karen (who never serves coffee on time in the history of freakin’ ever) only to have no recall or sign of life, much like the energy of my workplace on a cold Monday night. As I came to the conclusion that there was no one in sight or mind of the reception, I turned round only to notice a handful of armed officers gathering in formations around the door. This seemed indeed most peculiar for what seemed like an ambiguous tweet…

I turn back, to see a rugged man who appeared to be suffering from more than one of the old american addictions pointing at gun at Weazel News’ own Don Sterling. The reporter was thrown into the mix!

As he beckoned me into the room, I find two officers bound to their chairs and NYPD’s own Chief of Police, Jimmy Lynch. I was star struck until the realization that I was in a hostage situation began to set in.

There was a tension you could cut like butter, a bursting news story still in growing and a man with a gun who felt the need to unload it into our very own Chief more than any fire this News Station can deliver.

The man pressured and demanded that Chief Lynch confess to the crime of murder. He accused Chief Lynch of the murder of his faithful friend Jeffrey who attempted to burgle a local 7/11 earlier this month.

After many long and hard macho speeches about morality and some other bullshit. Eventually things fizzled down and they proceeded to leave the building where Mr Mercer collapsed abruptly at the front of our reliable news station. It is unknown of the status of Mr Mercer at this time.

All hostages were recovered where Chief Lynch recieved care for multiple zinger pistol whips that would make even a grown man proud.

Many backhanded bitch slaps were delivered in this high tension situation!

The situation was de-escalated by law enforcement special forces and Weazel News thanks them in securing their reporter on the ground.


And so, this reporter leaves with one question worth asking?

Did Jimmy Lynch kill Jeffrey?