The impossible became possible tonight.
Pacific National, home to the city’s largest deposit of high-value goods was robbed by the acclaimed “Fairytale Gang”.
Violence hit the city tonight as an estimated value of $600,000 was stolen tonight from Pacific National Bank. Weazel News own Don Sterling, the daring hostage in this daring caper. Officer Sanders reports “We still have two at large however we managed to capture the unicorn and the redneck monkey”.
At this time, the police have released the aliases of the felons. Space Monkey, Beast, Redneck Monkey and the Unicorn. We have identified at this time the unicorn to be Dustin Seeks.
Police at this time were unable to release the names of the other members of the Mystical Gang at this time.
Prior to the robbery, they were seen fleeing from police in a pink and colored SUV in relation to a gunfight outside Marcello’s on Vespucci Blvd and Elgin Ave.
Police have urged individuals to come forward with information as to the two robbers at large. They have described ‘Space Monkey’ as wearing an astronaut outfit with a large monkey head. They have described Beast as an individual wearing a green jumpsuit and a werewolf head.
Pacific Standard issued this statement regarding the robbery.
“We’re saddened to see that our clients safe goods were under attack. Fortunately we were able to organise a generous reimbursement to our clients that cover 140% of the value of their stored goods. We reiterate that clients that bank with us will recieve the best security, service and protection money can buy. We are working with law enforcement closely to catch the robbers at large”